Heard this a.m. that a kindergarten class in Brooklyn will not be permitted to sing Lee Greenwood's Proud To Be An American at their graduation.  Why?  Allegedly the school principal thinks it may be offensive to non-Americans.  And the newsman said NYC's Mayor Bloomberg's in agreement.  Now, whether you're a flag-burning crazy-ass survivalist or the sort who gets goosebumps singing America the Beautiful, and all variations in between, this has to be labeled a dopey move.  I Googled the lyrics and found nothing offensive there.  It's about being proud to be an American (hence the title) and thankful for freedom, and being willing to stand up and fight to keep it. No other nationality is put down or even mentioned.  Why would people come to this country but to hope for a better life - with freedom?  Oodles of freedom.  Freedom as big as your head.  And freedom for their kids.

If I moved to the UK and God Save The Queen was to be played at a kindergarten graduation I wouldn't be offended.  I'd think, right, I'm in the UK, they're a bit chuffed with their queen.  OK, stand up and either try to sing along or just stand here respectfully quiet.

I don't know the origin of the complaint regarding this song being sung or why. Does this mean that these little kids who will become first graders come September (yep, even the dumb ones who should've been left back for a kindergarten do-over - don't get me started on the No Child Left Behind crap - 'cause I've seen the results of some of that - they can't figure out whether to PUSH or PULL on a door, how to give the correct change, or how to form a complete, intelligent sentence) will be exempt from saying the Pledge of Allegiance because it might offend them?   I guess these kids won't be allowed to participate in any sporting events - whether amateur or professional -  for fear the National Anthem will be played, thereby possibly offending them.

How very sad to use these children as pawns in some twisted adult world of ill-placed righteous indignation and to potentially mar an otherwise proud and happy time - hopefully one of many milestones to be celebrated.

As I was waking up this morning I realized I was dreaming.  I watched myself doing stand-up.  And I was bombing.  Flop sweat, cotton mouth and all.  It was horrid.  I was wishing there was a teleprompter 'cause I couldn't remember my jokes/routine.  Then I was nearly fully awake but still drowsing and I imagined me saying to the audience:
"Well, summer's here." and there was just the tiniest hint of a female chuckle from the back of the room.  So the me doing stand-up says, addressing that woman: "Sure, you like the hot weather.  You're skinny, you don't have to worry about chafing."  That got a laugh and I felt I was starting to win over the audience (whom I couldn't see - it was a dark and smokey room.

Now I'm awake and just riffing with the stand-up idea and I've magically made a white screen appear behind me to project images on.  And I say:
"Yeah, everybody's gonna be out on their boats soon.  You got a boat?" [I vaguely address audience members - I generally abhor audience participation when I'm in the audience, but I think it works well (sometimes) when you're the one onstage - ala Woody Allen.]
"Well, you know everybody out here in the Hamptons has a boat.  Billy Joel, Diddy, Jay-Z.  You have to.  It's expected.  You ever see Jay-Z out here on his big fancy yacht?  The thing is huge.  What would you say that was, about a thirty, thirty-five footer?" (audience laughs) 
"Last summer I saw him getting it in the water.  It's a pretty big production as you would imagine.  He's got it on one of those boat trailers on the back of his Maybach, backing it down the ramp.  And Beyonce's off to the side directing him: 'To the left, to the left, baby.  A little more.'  (howls of appreciative laughter)
I live near a marina.  No, it's true, I do.  You see how they shrink wrap the boats in that white shrink wrap stuff?   It makes me crazy though.  They don't want you to carry your corn on the cob home from the supermarket in a plastic bag, but it's OK to wrap an entire yacht in plastic.  [laughter]
Please, don't get me started.  So, anyway, yeah, you have to shrink wrap your boat.  It protects the paint job from the snow and ice, and hopefully keeps the little creatures out.  And, yes, I'm talking about the Mexicans."  (Loud laughter with a couple of 'Ooohs' mixed in.] "Hey, I'm kidding.  [makes a 'not really' face]
"Yeah, so, I took my boat there, had it done.  It's expensive, though.  About $12 a linear foot. [picture of shrink-wrapped 6' dinghy appears on screen] This baby set me back about $72."